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I am dyslexic (D). And I suffer from Restless Eyes Syndrome (RES). And after I detected some seismic activity underneath a thin cotton veneer, I was left staring at a woman's chest, trying to audibly sound out a confounding juxtaposition of letters. This made her angry and she started giving me shit. Unfortunately, my obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) kicks in when I'm stressed. So now I had to touch not just one but each of her two boobies in a precise series of strokes and pokes. 'Round-the-mountain-and-back-again-with-a-cherry-on-top. This really pissed her off and she disrupted my sequences - and I still didn't know what her shirt said! It felt like the end of the world. So I took her down and pinned her shoulders and took a few minutes to read her shirt. And only after I read it (kind of obnoxious, by the way) did I begin a "circle-circle-dot-dot-now-you-got-a-cootie-shot" process on each tit 10 times (one sequence per finger). Exhale. Anyway, I'm sprung from lockup and will be live blogging U. Tennessee vs. Tennessee at Martin football game tomorrow for TheDanzaTap sports and ... wait a sec. Does her shirt say something ...Oh, I think... I'll be back in a jiffy... Cunt Smasher is back.

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