Happy Memorial Day. Many of you will be feasting all weekend, best start now – you’re in a safe place.
Beef roll ups
The bully buffet will be open all day
Leg of lamb
Light mint refreshment
Bon appetite, los animales!
TheDanzaTap enthusiastically supports the candidacy of Anthony Weiner for mayor of New York City.
Though of questionable character, an espouser of disastrous policies, and possibly armed and dangerous he reflects well the average denizen of this burgh.
At approximately 8am this morning I observed a light brown dump taken and left in the crosswalk at Rivington & Ridge Streets; I deduced this log was left at some point in the last 10 hours.
Ignoring this fly ridden pile only a few feet away was a light brown woman in a light brown crossing guard uniform. She was roughly the size of R2D2 and her mustache was dripping with sweat. I pointed at the street mess and asked her who did it. Though she did not respond, I know a guilty face when I see one.
Walking west only 2 blocks and barely managing to avoid a London machete wielder lookalike who was staggering and rapping unintelligibly, I smelled more non-dog shit – but could not even see it. Observing more hispanic street urchins, some Chinese tax cheats, and approximately 5 panhandlers I ducked into a bodega and paid $2.25 for 12 ounces of burnt ultimately undrinkable coffee, served to me by an Islamic douchebag while a tall flamboyantly gay man in neon green workout clothes tried to make small talk with me. Fortunately Led Zeppelin’s “No Quarter” was now at full volume on my camera/phone/portable stereo so I just looked at him as he gestured for me to take my earphones off. It is my belief his next gesture would have referenced oral sex.
New York City’s biggest sports news of the year is that Major League Soccer just awarded it a team.
Mayor Wiener, this city is yours.
Helen and I were fishing guides.
Newsflash to ladies: we’re all the weird guy, but most of us honor the online stalker’s code – leave no footprints.
That said, a couple of suggestions:
Single ladies: Keep posting party scene, nightlife, beach, etc.
Single weird ladies looking for friends: I always have more art to give.
Engaged/newlywed/new moms: No one cares.
MILFs: Facebook is boring without you.
It was disgraceful the way that town treated Pat Quinn, the way they turned their back on old time hockey. Been plagued ever since.
Having a mayor that looks and acts like Chris Farley was their best chance yet to break the curse.
But jerky NY media wants to ruin everything. I hate Gawker, what a bunch of faggots.
From Gawker: As you may recall, last week we took a trip to the welcoming, livable city of Toronto to view a video of Ford—who has a long and illustrious history of erratic behavior and inscrutably racist statements—smoking crack cocaine. We returned empty-handed, sadly, because the owner of the tape wanted more money than Gawker could offer.
I stand by Toronto, the jewel of the great norte.
It has long been said that Canada is America’s roomy, stylish hat and that Mexico is our skidmarked drawers. It’s time we honor this and honor Toronto’s mayor by giving him the leeway we gave Marion Barry.