RIP, Oliva Nova: Crammed a lifetime of D in her 20 short years

Sad to announce the passing of two-time All-Jergens porn star, Olivia Nova.

Directors respected her for being upfront about her stats and her wont’s.

Christmas can a lonely time for porn stars – because, let’s be frank, porn stars and family gatherings don’t mix – particularly at their own.

Wishing I reached out to her over Christmas. The lonely always send nudes.

Really dropped the ball on that.

Ever the professional, she looked good – but older than 20. More like 30. The D will age a gal.

Even though I never heard of her, I will miss Olivia now that she’s gone because she was hot.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Olivia, and take this final farewell report.

Bleach that sauseetch

Brace yourself because we’re about to go deeper than a visit to Dr. Melfi’s couch.

My Sicilian grandma didn’t just leave me with fond memories of her pasta fazoo; nope, her lineage that duskied mi dong. I swear it’s like she winks at me every time I catch a glimpse of my swarthy humble hawg.

But there’s great news. Now I can recolor my meat wand to a pinkish hue, one that women crave and men admire.

Celebrity endorsed.

Can’t wait to show the porterhouse.