No subtitles needed

Such ferocity.

And so sudden.

One moment he’s there enjoying the charms of a lady friend – and then without warning a brutal no holds barred attack from above. No time to get up and put on his pants to fight. Dude was sunk.

And we didn’t even get to see her tits. A true day of infamy.

A three woes in Brooklyn

Well well well.

Well well well well well-ity well well well.

Looks like a boring ol’ threesome got fatal in the People’s Republic of Park Slope

A threesome can mean many things to many people.

Presumably all was progressing nicely until a participant (guy with a girlfriend not present) decided to take pictures, thereby greatly agitating another participant (girl with a boyfriend not present).

The horny shutterbug died that night of baseball bats and stab wounds.

THREESOMES: A CLOSER LOOK

• “Double Team” traditionally uni-clam powered and outfitted for dual sauseetch intake.

• A Double Team is not as prestigious in hetero circles as the golden rung “Canoe Ride” (two girls, one guy).

• In most of Park Slope a Double Team is still more highly prized and sought out than the “Leftover Duck” (two guys & a girl who doesn’t show up).

Big loss: this is the face you make when your boyfriend gets murdered after deciding to film his 2-on-1 without asking his new friends first.

So here’s the rub: the angry chick contacted her boyfriend, who was not part of the threesome. And in order to get him going, she told him she was raped. Now her boyfriend is not only a confirmed cuck, but a prime murder suspect as well.

And the guy who (still) lives in Park Slope drove the 21 year old girl back home to Staten Island (don’t bet against her being a naughty Italian broad with daddy issues) and then came back to Park Slope to enact some late night revenge on the guy who SIMPLY JUST HAD to document the sexcapade.

That’s when: the victim decided to leave for reasons that were unclear, sources said.

Around that time, the victim’s girlfriend — who was uninvolved in the threesome — received an ominous Instagram message reading “your boyfriend f–ked up and will be taken care of,” sources said.

Gadzooks. That could’ve been me … if I was a marginally lucky yet moronic asshole.

Then on Friday one purviews yon Meat Wagon

If you like Pina Coladas, and getting tagged in the seat
If you´re into nude yoga, but you shun Friday’s meat
If you like tickling coin purse, and the cut of my cape
I´m the one that you´ve looked for, drop your trou, so I can rape.

Always brings the house down in P-Town.

Tartare

Ropa Vieja

Hot Dog

Steak’um

Cajun Ribeye

Lamb Chop

Porterhouse

Game Hen

Bon appetite los animales!

Got to get to Silvia Caruso

It’s getting rough out there.

My back is broke. No scratch. My old lady is venomous, she makes me bad food on purpose. I don’t really shower any more. And just yesterday I was on the wrong end of a road rage incident with a man riding a Vespa.

But Silvia Caruso gives me strength; knowing she’s out there and just waiting for something better in this life.

With passage to the Amalfi Coast, I could save her.

I know how it would go down, too. A few drinks, then off for some privacy where I can leave a positano up her brown grotto.

Sarah Melia: Queen of fishing

Sarah Melia has so far successfully eluded Captain Stabbin’ on the high seas; meanwhile gamefish can’t elude Sarah.

Really don’t know much about Sarah, except her Instagram account is @SarahMelia305 … ‘305’ is Miami area code – she is taunting Captain Stabbin’, Florida’s ultimate butt pirate.

She is playful. Possibly a Wisconsin native.

Plus her ass checks out.

She has friends too.

Sarah comes from a long line of good stock.

Her ass still checks out.

All I know about her is @sarahmelia305 … would like to know more.

High seas culo.

When a bully boards the boat.

Scenes from a Houston Burger King

Honestly, white men have a far better shot at making it in the NBA than they do muscling their way into the fast food meltdown scene.

But if you must then gotta earn your stripes. Start humble – cause a ruckus at a farmer’s market, fling organic honey at hippie chicks with a near zero chance at getting taken out by rogue D’Brickashaw.

Earn your stripes trashing the Whole Foods salad bar before you descend down the ladder to Cracker Barrel, Taco Bell, and White Castle.

Once you start slapping cashiers at BK & McDonald’s you’re in the big leagues.

And only maybe then, if you haven’t tapped out yet, might you be ready to scrap in an IHOP.

Be careful.