Gotta get a jump on that 5 o’clock shadow.
The Bronx is back on the map!
• suffered broken jaw via direct hit from avacado
• suffered multiple scratches when it rained plantains
Honestly, white men have a far better shot at making it in the NBA than they do muscling their way into the fast food meltdown scene.
But if you must then gotta earn your stripes. Start humble – cause a ruckus at a farmer’s market, fling organic honey at hippie chicks with a near zero chance at getting taken out by rogue D’Brickashaw.
Earn your stripes trashing the Whole Foods salad bar before you descend down the ladder to Cracker Barrel, Taco Bell, and White Castle.
Once you start slapping cashiers at BK & McDonald’s you’re in the big leagues.
And only maybe then, if you haven’t tapped out yet, might you be ready to scrap in an IHOP.
This is special.
When the funny jokes is just the gravy.
Ron Burgandy sacrificed his career that Temple grads like this might get their shot at reporting the news…
Next-level novelty smash or same old shit?
… all cats are grey in the dark … we’re all the same size lying down … they’re all pink on the inside … broke my arm falling off my girlfriend’s shoulders at Bonnaroo …
I hope Tim Tebow digs deep cravasse because this lazy can of corn is his for the shagging.
Seriously, Islam, how do you really feel?
I wish I could tell you that D’Brickashaw fought the good fight, and that the Soul Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that – but the DC Gay Pride Parade is no fairy-tale world.
Usually when people ask why I didn’t become a teacher I say it’s because I don’t need to be tempted by 16 year old girls in women’s bodies. This more than reinforces…