Chip had trouble catching a ride to the party
This cheerleader went as a jockey, seems she's missing her mount...
Still trying to figure out Halloween parades in the Far East...
Costumes or no, they're in the parade...
I like zebras...
Happy Halloween
An old friend (and former blogger) wants to wish everyone his best this Halloween also.
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** 'Elizabeth' responds! **
I'll put Derek's dark incantations right up there with anybody's, but I'm getting a little tired of him flaunting that mint milano in his tights every year. Shameless. We convene to worship the Devil and maybe kill a dog or two - but if you ask me it's Sondra's pumpkin patch that's got him possessed and not Lucifer.
Well, I got news for you Derek: it ain't happening. She's a decent Devil-fearing sorceress. Quit your grandstanding and wear black briefs like everybody else. Now make with the Satanics. 
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want
to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened. I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under 'L' for 'Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about'. You did a stupid thing huh? No..doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is 'a stupid thing'; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is 'a stupid thing'; 
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a 'Stupid thing' as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying 'Well, I didn't F**k him' somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world 'looked funny' to you yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.
Talk to you never,
Brad
[And one of those 100 forwarded it here...]
The pick: BC at home -4 over Clemson. The Golden Eagles will strike as the Paw People are distracted by more important issues.
Every Halloween party needs a ref to guard against bitches who think it's okay to dress up as a tube of toothpaste.
A drunken ref who takes his role too seriously is a plus. Should be a good couple of hours for his self-esteem. Thank him on the way out and tell him you're headed to a bar that you're not.
The V.I.P. (very intriguing pussy) Section:
CAUTION: Unless you're rich, good looking, and packing a baby's arm - in order to make headway in the VIP section you must carpetbomb it with compliments. You can't overdo it. Hit the obvious ones first: tell the devil she heats your pitchfork, demand that Supergirl become your Super-Friend. Then you can ask the blonde what the fuck she's supposed to be...her tribal tattoo indicates a tepid enough intelligence to mistake you for Mr. Right when you win over her friends' approval.
I don't know anything about women. But I'll bet Euros vs donuts that Miss Cubby Bear, the Boozy Bride, and the Cat initiated and finished all activity in the sack that night. (Though the bride might have needed some artificial stimulants - I guess it might pay to have a bag of gack in your wallet sometimes) Halloween is freaky like that.
Guard high expectations, though. The numbers rarely work in a man's favor when he tries to bag the cream of the crop. But that's what Smurfettes are for...
Remember the new girl in class? Typically she'd be quiet, mousey even, and we didn't need much on her to run with: "You're from Ohio? That's disgusting!"
Her head was a target in dodgeball and her paintings in art attracted swastikas and pentagrams. Songs would be sung about her mustache. Supposedly the girls were even meaner, I never really understood how. I think it was about fashion.
But sure enough Halloween, the great leveler, comes around early in the school year. That's the day when the new girl comes to school dressed like a cat. Word would travel fast, "Holy shit, did you see Regina in those black tights? Third base will be mine. I am going to goose her hard during the Halloween Parade."
And just like that the new girl finds normalcy. 
Gird your loins for tomorrow's Halloween blitz... 
Those cans of honor you're drooling over belong the bride's mom. And the bride? She's 16. This is how tinkers do it in the UK (You saw "Snatch", right?)... the dad paves driveways for a living and they all live in caravans. I think we call them "homeless" or "trailer trash", but the homeless here don't throw £100,000 (roughly $3 million US) wedding celebrations. Many of our homeless are swarthy.
And the darling bride (looks just like mum), her dress cost £16,000. Keep the focus on the dress and modest belly-button decoration and not her body...she's jail bait. Typical stacked jailbait built for speed in a white lace garter-gown and tiara. Oh my.
When asses tap back
