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From out of the butt and into the fuck 2008 was...a really horrible year. Let's not pull any punches. Bear Stearns, Merrill Lynch, Lehman, Takeareport, Madoff & Co., etc. - all bit the dust because a black man was elected President. Nostradamus predicted this. 2009 doesn't promise to be any better, but that's not stopping anyone from getting after it tonight. No way. Here's your typical NYE pick-up...a talented tongue, pearl necklace, herpes and a booger... Happy New Years.

USC vs. Penn State in the Rose Bowl tomorrow...USC football is the most popular sports team on the West Coast, while PSU is big in Harrisburg. It's the Trojans laying 9 pts on WSEX, but you'd be safe giving 16. I've seen plenty of both teams this year. Joe Pa doesn't have the horses to challenge USC in their backyard. WSEX has parlays and reverses, too - so think about taking USC and your pic for the championship or any other bowl game. Use this mismatch to leverage your wager. Here's the USC cheerleaders in matching bikinis on some beach somewhere. Interesting picture. See if you can make out which one is the ass dreamer. These women will cheer for anything, even traffic.

Protesters in New York up in arms about war in the Mid-East and, of course, the juice. Fucking juice, every time. This spelling error is really beyond the pale. In the off chance that this guy doesn't work in a convenience store, you can assume his brother or best friend does. He spends a lot of his time around the juice, even if he doesn't like it. Put down the squeezer, Ali Baba, it's no good for you.

3) The Demise of Rollerskating - Interest in roller skating plummeted in 2008, leaving this once proud sport just a cheap gimmick for fools. 2) Catching the Elusive Rapist - Are we ever going to find this guy? 1) The Return of Rollerskating

I know that I often take too much pleasure in the embarrassment of others, but how sweet is it that the Grammy Awards Committee gave the Best New Artist trophy to a woman who is using the funnel-like gramophone part of the trophy to feed raw heroin into her rectum? And for all the hype about her wild ways Winehouse, unlike doomed anchorwoman Jessica Savitch (below), is still alive. And topless.

Looks like New York City's most famous gunslinger since Bernie Goetz is shopping for a new home. Situation wanted: Quarterback, 46, 1 Superbowl ring, More yds TDs and INTs than anyone - seeking NFL team to fuck up. Looking for $18 million per.

1) Is there really a market for this? 2 & 3) Where would you keep it? ... Right next to the bed? 4) And without the pump dispenser up top, do you just pour a palm-full out into your hand every time there is gonna be some friction? 5, 6 & 7) Are you pumped-up or bummed-out if you go back to a girl's place, and you see this next to her dresser?... I mean, any broad with a gallon o' lube has to be pretty familiar around a zipper, no? So there's at least an off chance that she's handled some pretty filthy cocks, correct? 8 & 9) Who feels comfortable going up to the checkout with this in their basket, and is there a cashier alive who wouldn't at least chuckle during the price check? 10) And finally... Isn't $74.99 a little steep?