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...and fuck people who feed pigeons. Worst hobby in the world. Blogging isn't far behind, so get your best girl a SheWee today. Coming soon: WePoo

Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama. St. Croix, St. Kitts, a monkey grabs your tits.

Maybe you heard about Ashley Biden, the 27 year old daughter of the Vice President who allegedly is on tape using her nose to eat cocaine. Well guess what? It was a set up! NO! And according to sources, the guy who secretly taped her ... even bought the coke! CRAZYTOWN! Ashley, your dad is the Vice-President of the United States and the anti-drug stance is a big part of his public identity. The prevailing rule is: don't get caught.

Being anti-drugs is a no-brainer for a politician who doesn't indulge; but if Joe was 27 and hanging with Ashley's crowd he'd be a hellacious coke wolf. Same goes for me, the Bush twins, and the Olsen twins. We all love blow.

And just a hunch, but I'll bet the tape shows Ashley displaying little clumsiness or hesitation to do someone else's coke. Michael Phelps might be dumb as a post, Ash, but at least he's not a coke whore. For the Ottophiles... Q: how much gack would it take to convince Ashley to take a young retarded man's virginity?

Maybe that boat has humper cables.

Poor Old New-dealer Thinks I want A Cadillac

Is this a "ya wanna feel old" or "ya wanna feel some young" post? Even with a knowing, report-tested face like that, you can't legally take her to McSwiggan's for some Bud Lite - but Johnny Law says it's okay to grab her breasts when making your porno, porno! 1990.

Some asshole sold Japan our secrets. The "Iadies first" thing is a gimmick, a cheap chivalry designed by and for the lusty gentleman. The only surprise is it's lasted this long. "Ladies first" off the elevator (check out the ass), "after you" up the subway stairs (check up the ass), ladies order first at dinner (or not at all - "she will have the linguini and I will have her ass as a hat, woppo.") Suppose those rumors about a pay table were true. Would "ladies first" still apply or would some guy with a mustache start a "ladies last" chant? Pay tables, like ass-check charts, usually remain secret until some rat blows a whistle.