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Thought I'd air this one out. Though I've seen it a million times, I've never had the heart to discard this picture from the hard drive... I don't remember where it came from and it's titled 'Linda Lohan'. Lindsay doesn't have ass like that. Maybe her sister does, but maybe her sister is 13 and not named Linda. Her mom Dina is not named Linda, but she does wants to pose in Playboy. Can't be her though because she doesn't have an ass like that - if she did we'd all know it by now. So ID of "Linda Lohan" stays hidden, all we know is that it's not from a Lohan. These touchy bunnies aren't Lohans either...

Never thought I'd be jealous of a doof in shades who wears his hat sideways. But I am. Something stirred inside of RGA when he saw yesterday's Georgia rump so he sent in a few pics of former UGA qb and current Detroit Lion Matt Stafford having, you know... fun. Foreign concept to me. If I was Stafford, I'd drink every beer on board, bang the snots out of yellow top, eat a chocolate cake and pass out while watching Meat Balls II and smoking weed in the cabin. AND THEN I'd wake up the next day, take a huge dump, send Peter Frampton a thank you note for writing "Do You Feel Like I Do" ... and start all over again. Guess Stafford must feel like I do, like we do... floogy time... floogy time ... 'Who got Bulldogged?' isn't an open ended question. The answer ... later, until then can play "Who I'd Hammer and Why"...

A little football talk...so I hope you notice the ad for the WSEX app on the top right of this page. The app is already reliable, fast, and easy to use - but come weekends this fall its convenience factor will be off the charts. ------------------------------------ August is upon us and it's the month when talking football in polite company becomes acceptable. I'll probably follow the SEC more closely than I do the NFL in '09. The SEC is to college football what the Yankees would like to be to baseball. Real talk. I will be a Georgia Bulldogs fan until they lose a game and reassess my loyalties from there. -------------------- And check out what some DanzaTap readers are doing for their NFL Fantasy Football Draft... this Craigslist ad is 4realz. My friends and I are throwing a Fantasy Football Draft. We have decided we require a sexy woman to fetch us cocktails either naked or in a bikini. (Pay will depend on your attire). We are Mid thirties..professionals ...huge Johnsons. Not that you'll see the Johnson's... well maybe if you're lucky. Explain why you should be our waitress and your salary requirements. So please send a pic with your bid to be our waitress . By all means let's have some suggestions here for them, from Flo to Kim Kardashian to beyotches at your corner pub. I propose these lasses from the Land of the Rising Sun ... Those bitches know what's going on and will at least be competent in getting orders straight. Orders like "put on this origami jacket I made you and light it on fire...very good, Yoko!"

I remember staggering around the grounds on my first day of kindergarten. I wore special shoes and drooled uncontrollably over my OshKosh's and those of my classmates. Shat myself before the day was done. But I was lucky because I had a loving mother who saw me through the rough going. Without her I would have ended up like the guy from Sling Blade. Well, she did the best she could.

A woman's argument that a man is worthless can carry water only just so long before it falls apart. Not that I mind some healthy deliberation... ...but something's missing girls. The "smash and grab" is a crime style. Try again... ... well, I guess the "smash and grab" could be a dance move, too ... but eventually these girls are gonna beg for some disco stick. And then it's our turn to boogie, right fellas?

It was late and we were drunk, and this really put me in the mood. Just wish I hid the strap-on when I had the chance.

Don't know what this guy did but I got his bail money and a ride back to the projects (daylight hours only) in exchange for his shirt. I go to about one luau themed party per decade and a shirt like that would inject some much needed soul to the next one I hit.