Miss Bum Bum goes China

Because they copy everything else in the world, China took a stab at recreating Brazil’s prestigious Miss Bum Bum contest.

And you know what? It wasn’t such a bad facsimile.

They wore masks so people could tell them apart.

Masked beaver beauticians at work while dude does pushups. So normal.

This hopeful was sent home – but not before a little unga bunga.

Air squats. Again, so normal.

True meat smuggling: TDT sent a ringer – A&T’d her way into the quarterfinals.

Shanghai snapshot.

Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Shabu-Shabu (Miss Porterhouse)

Always worked for me

Share these key behavior modifications with your kid:

• Ensure your pant cuffs fully reach ankles.
• Avoid volunteering for hall monitor.
• Have a favorite football team, know quarterback’s name and if he sucks or not.
• Quit bragging about the priest you blew last summer.

Scare Bear Air

Traditionally the worst porn site in the world is the one you’re on when you when the deal has been closed. Report taken. St. Helen mounted and coned. St. Elmo fired. Can’t GTFO fast enough.

Still, some sites are better than others. Before an untimely death at sea, Captain Stabbin’ was known for dedication to his craft and a rigid adherence to the nautical buttstab story line.

aye aye

And then there’s SexyFlightCrew. Never before has a website gone to such lengths to do so little with so grand a theme.

Now boarding.

Prepare for takeoff.

“This is your captain speaking. We are lost somewhere off coast of Bermuda.”

Flight 6969 was never seen again.

Stay safe.

Summer goals

Goal 1: Lose weight

I currently weigh 3.25 Sharptons – need to drop at least 1 full Sharpton before I can start looking good in a track suit.

Instead of eating brunch I will disrupt them.

Goal 2: Improve station

Secure promotion from stock boy to nighttime manager at local convenience store. There’s been a sudden vacancy.