Let your eyes be the judge and jury

Love him or hate him, I think we can all agree that President Trump is a heterosexual billionaire with very superficial tastes … that means he only bangs tens.

But the media hates him so much they attacked his wife’s outfits when she accompanied him to hurricane-rocked Texas.

Okay.

Now let’s take a dead serious, God’s honest look at Melania’s most vocal fashion critic – Vogue Magazine’s fashion editor, Lynn Yeager…

There it is. Vogue is perpetrating the fakest news of all fucking time.

Level 10 power chow

ATTN: I GOT THE NAMES MIXED UP. DAKOTA IS KIERNAN AND VICE VERSA.

First couple of days will be rough, but there are few better paths to local legend status than gold course shenanigans. (for him, that is, not her – TDT wishes her family good luck): Young couple arrested for fairway sex

Miss Dakota Payne

• He’s 24, parents live on golf course
• She’s 19, parents named Step-Dad and Skylar

Live from the 8th hole: When a patrolman arrived at the links, he spotted a “male with no shorts on and a female that appeared to only have a bra on.” The woman, the officer reported, “was on her back and the male was laying down with his head between her legs performing oral sex.”

Bambi fans: Two other witnesses–who were on the tee box at hole 8–said that they observed “what they thought was a deer laying down in the fairway.” However, “Upon closer inspection, they realized it was two people having ‘doggy-style’ intercourse.

Don’t go making the same mistake I did and go thinking that Dakota Payne is a unique name and slutty bikini pics of her would therefore be easily obtainable. There are thousands of Dakota Paynes out there, most of them dudes.

So we improvise:

Dakota Payne approximation

Embrace notoriety.

Easing back into this thing

Don’t believe the rumors, I didn’t go gay. I just let curiosity get the better of me for a short while there. Fire Island was glorious.

Anyway, here’s a Hollywood movie star (played Easy-E in Straight Outta Compton) flipping out because Delta was screwing him out of the first class seat he paid for.

Oh yeah, one more thing – he was on standby because he missed his original flight. Complete bitch.

As for Air Danza, booty will be boarding later today. We will be running extra flights through Thursday.