Farewell Hugh Hefner

Aretha Franklin blew off Whitney Houston’s funeral. Will she skip Hefner’s? I hope not.

Didn’t know Hef had a traumatic backstory in his personal life. Turns out his first wife banged some guy while he was a virgin in the army somewhere. They married, but he was devastated and she felt guilty so she let him have affairs and then dedicated herself to helping him launch Playboy. He dumped her when he got big. Again, traumatic backstory.

Before Barbi Benton parlayed her relationship with Hefner into multiple appearances on Love Boat, Match Game, and Hollywood Squares she ran wild on his estate.

We must fumigate the grotto.

At 91 Hef takes the ultimate report and is not in a better place now.

Au revoir, playboy.

One night in Mykonos

A friend sent me a rather upsetting video from a notorious haunt in Mykonos last weekend.

Something about it really troubled me until I slowed the footage down, used some lip reading and caught the hidden message from God.

Make what use of it as you may.

Best wishes

EAGLE-EYE

This will not stand

Troubling times for mammocentrics.

Big-boobed Playboy model Jenna Bentley has upset her army of fans by announcing she might get a breast reduction — after she nearly knocked herself out jogging.

The 24-year-old says her whopping 36E natural breasts are literally too big to handle and have been getting in the way of her new fitness regime.

To be fair, that’s why I don’t jog either. But why will no one ask her boyfriend, 55 year old Ben Brown, his opinion?

Come to think of it, we could use his take on a lot of things.

Let’s organize. Please send all Jenna breast reduction objections to:

Jenna Bentley
69 Backstreet
Sloppytown, USA

Back to school

On a personal level my interest in higher education is confined to the community college arena; much less drama and distraction on local party scenes where the lines blur between students, professors, drifters, janitors, and general creepers.

But even with that there’s always time for a field trip to see what’s up in university land.

And we take the fuckin’ bus.

Freshman: All smiles. World is new.

Sophomore: Party scene vets now.

Junior: Personal development stage. Exploration anew.

Senior: Ready to take on the world.

I hope you enjoyed the typical college field trip experience. Now you know what college is like today.