RIP, Oliva Nova: Crammed a lifetime of D in her 20 short years

Sad to announce the passing of two-time All-Jergens porn star, Olivia Nova.

Directors respected her for being upfront about her stats and her wont’s.

Christmas can a lonely time for porn stars – because, let’s be frank, porn stars and family gatherings don’t mix – particularly at their own.

Wishing I reached out to her over Christmas. The lonely always send nudes.

Really dropped the ball on that.

Ever the professional, she looked good – but older than 20. More like 30. The D will age a gal.

Even though I never heard of her, I will miss Olivia now that she’s gone because she was hot.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Olivia, and take this final farewell report.

Bleach that sauseetch

Brace yourself because we’re about to go deeper than a visit to Dr. Melfi’s couch.

My Sicilian grandma left me with more than fond memories of her pasta fazoo; I trace it directly to her lineage that duskied mi dong. It’s like she’s winking at me every time I catch a glimpse of my swarthy and humble hawg.

But there’s great news. Believe it or not, I can recolor my meat wand to a fine pinkish hue; a cheerful blush that at once women crave and men admire.

Celebrity endorsed.

Can’t wait to show the porterhouse.