Ain’t no cure for the shart-sensitive altitude adjustment blues
A concerned reader sent this in:
A not so sweet recap of a Beaver Creek incident this weekend.
A sales trader from a small boutique in Philly got blown off by one of his "monster prospects", basically the prospect told him, "Nice to see you, thanks for coming out" "No i don't want to go skiing with you, but thanks" This obviously put him in a bad mood and pushed him to really drink til he lost control of his senses and bodily functions.
Said sales trader proceeds to mix Wine, Bourbon and beer all the while housing Scallops and every other appetizer in sight. (He started with a Meat Lovers pizza covered in Hot peppers).
A few more hours of drinking and he was in that position where he didn't want to leave the party but was definitely feeling some anxiety in his GI tract.
He goes to the bathroom at the Park Hyatt, and says it's "too nice to destroy, I'll hold it"....Get to the after party at the Billiards Room, the typical scene...120 people crowded around a small rollaway bar....he tries to alleviate the pressure by letting out a little gas. He sharts!
Is so drunk he doesn't want to go back to his room. Walks to the bathroom, wipes and puts toilet paper in his boxers..comes back to the bar. Let's a little trickle out again, and the stench starts to permeate the fucking room.
It's a convention and the entire bar area gets cleared out!! 3 degrees outside and a good 25 people go outside to escape the roving green cloud, and another 45 people just walk out of the room.
One of my guys is trying to close a girl from Goldman, and she thinks he did it. He is not a small guy, and doesn't appreciate being cock-blocked by a drunk fat guys ass.
To alleviate the pending violence we get [Mr. Shitty] back to the Charter and in his room so he can sleep it off. And he ends up taking what must have been the mother of all shits.
He clogged the toilet, was too drunk to realize he needed to pull up the ball in the back of the tank and floods his bathroom. He is now trying to dry the puddles with every towel in his room. All the while he has forgotten to open the flu on his fireplace and smoke is pouring into his room.
Longer story short...Fire company is called out to the hotel, alarms are going off, and people on the bottom floor of The Charter in Building 2 had to be relocated due to the water leaking.
If you need confirmation, and aren't mentioning names, ask if anyone was relocated out of the Charter for a false fire and/or cleared out of the billiards room party for stench at the bar.
Roving green cloud.
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That’s some funny shit…pun heavily intended
Have had friends who have left pairs of boxers in stalls before
Thank God in all my life I have yet, knock on wood, to gamble on a fart and lose
Going to be in Philly and NYC myself next week, looking forward to some cold weather albeit for 5 days
Love a great shit story.
Last year I carpet-bombed a group of Jews for Jesus who had Santa yarmulkes on and were in an unnamed bar here in Manhattan… it was with great joy I watched one guy actually start dry-heaving and run for the men’s room while the rest staggered outside. It was more of a hanging, chartreuse bomb than a green rover cloud….
there are some legendary sharters cruising the floor of the CBOT/CME.
Unemployment Friday mornings after a long night of drinking lead to some amazing smells in the pit. The Global warming scientists should have been there collecting data rather than digging ice cores and looking at tree rings.
I saw a woman trader run to the bathroom to puke once. I think the cloud hung there for at least a half hour or so.
after about age 35 your shark to gas ratio climbs noticably….and after 40 boys….YA JUST CANT TRUST A FART
Great stort we have been low on good shit stories since Large left. This stuff use to happen on a nightly basis in the good old days.
Very MILF-centric hotel there at the Beave. Leave it to a Janney guy to pull that sh*t…
Since I’m female, I don’t understand the appeal of the shit story, but I’m the first to laugh at anything fart related.
OK, which one of you guys is Mr. Shitty?
The Count strikes again!!!!
830 am cboe floor safeway announces takeover late 1980′s trader next to me short tries to squeeze one off looks at me and says “mud”.in addition to soiling himself was never seen again.
park hyatt toilets exist to be destroyed. foolish.
I love the outfit on Daniels in that pic
I was up there and can confirm there was indeed a flood in the Charter on Saturday afternoon.
Agree with Bucky. That is exactly what Park Hyatt bathrooms are designed for. Wouldn’t trust said trader with an oddlot order if he can’t get that decision right.
Just confirmed this story. Stampede out of the Billiards Room like a Ethiopians on a wishbone.
These would have helped
http://www.kontraband.com/videos/20441/Doody-Pants/
Also a classic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUdHMkE5Qdk
The Charter flood was a frozen water pipe – not an over-flowing bathroom. Also, did this guy dump at the after party or in his room? The flood was @ 24 hours after the crop dusting? No way he held out for a day.
Elaine:
Surely you find the following shit line funny:
“I didn’t know whether to flush it or name it!”
Gold.
Nothing better than a good shit story on a rainy windy Wednesday. The George Brett link was tremendous.
About 15 years ago while down at Morans in the WFC I sharted and unfortunately unlike George I was not wearing jeans but a tan poplin suit. It was about 90 fucking degrees and 100% humidity and I am doing my best Duck Walk through the Wintergarden with my suit jacket wrapped around my waist. Sweat pouring down my face shirt absolutely plastered to my chest, I managed to get a cab without anyone seeing me. I get up to my place uptown and think that I escaped unscathed until I open my apartment door only to find that my roommate had let my girlfriend into the apartment without telling me. I explained what happened and the only thing she did was laugh so hard that she practically fell off the couch. After a shower she fucked my brains out and thats when I knew I had met the future Mrs. Spackler!!
who hasn’t sharded at a traders event! call me when some one actually shits on a custy…literally! the guy that pulls that off will get all my biz at .06 per share!
the chick from Goldman is hot !
Who is she and would she mind if I snapped a brownie or two in her master bathroom?
A shitter is for shitting! Park Hyatt or Burger King doesn’t matter.
Come to think of it, it does matter. Never pass up the chance to take a dump in luxury.
In my mansion, we call that “taking an Obama.”
This sounds like a Tucker Max story!!
Upper Decking is still one of the all time great party activities.
It sounded like someone running barefoot in ankle-deep mud.
http://www.antiupperdeck.com/mystory.html
Hey Biff– Great call and a generous .06 commish. How much will you put on our nxt ticky if i reenact the scene from “Carrie” (the movie) on stage at the next trader forum, but instead of pig’s blood, we dump feces on all the officers?!?
Dick Jack,
I’d pay thru the offer to see that! What happened to the good old days when a shard would be back page news and the top story coming out of a convention would involved midgets, hiding an overdosed hooker and a half the attendee’s going home with a fierce crotch itch thanks to that eager to please soft dollar gal. Times have changed!