Songstress: Niykee Heaton

Niykee Heaton is a 20-something old South African “recording artist”. (btw, unless her songs show up on classic rock stations or in Neal Sedaka sing-a-longs TDT will not be exploring her musical offerings.)

And, if I may be so bold, she is hot.


Here she is at the beach, watching some douche skurfing.

Word is that Niykee is, in the tradition of Tatu, a tad whorish. But that’s okay.


Not only does her ass check out, but it can be shiny too.


Though there’s a 50/50 chance she’s a mudshark, Niykee still is making the right kind of friends.


You must overlook her poolside sluttiness. Don’t judge.


Seriously, how many Krugerrands would you pay to chow this box?


There it is again…


Jesus. Prime slappers.


Some rock n’ roll before the baseball.

Next up: Baseball in Chicago, report tomorrow.

25 thoughts on “Songstress: Niykee Heaton

  1. [Thank you, Mr. G. Took this pic & posted above. Gassed the van, waiting for nightfall. – admin]

    There are several freakish features about this “babe”…
    pouting eyes, narrow mouth and freakishly wide hips…
    yet, despite these downfalls, her tatas are her best feature and check out!

  2. She’s a big score if you’re limited to checkout girls at dollar general, but to go halfway around the world, admin, you deserve better.

  3. this mets team is good, might be the best young pitching staff i’ve ever seen. and this murphy kid doing the roy hobbs bullshit- the hell is he? If I was running the cubs, i’d demand that Murphy piss in two jars after yesterday’s game. One i’d send for drug testing, the other i’d throw at Theo Epstein.

    was in NYC with family this weekend, planned before Cubs- didn’t go to games. Did go to the Lion King on Sunday before game. I jump out of my seat at intermission- was like the 4 hour mark- tell wife and kid i’m going to get candy and drinks, and put in a dip of skoal. 10 minutes in line, got the candy and a sprite, then ordered up jack daniels shot, which they served in a lion king glass. jamaican girl said “12 dollars” but you so nice i give you double for “24 dollars”. Kidding around I said “how about i give you 20 and you pour whatever you want- one love baby.” she smiled and started pouring a triple. Anyway, i feel this knock on my shoulder, turn around and this fat fuck is hitting me on the shoulder with one hand, and holding the hand of his fat kid with the other. “FUCKING SHOW IS ABOUT TO START, GET YOUR SHIT AND MOVE.” Now he said it really loud, there’s kids all around, some guy told him cool off, but he just locked eyes with me. He was a big guy, wearing a leather trench coat with an open shirt and 3 or 4 necklaces. I had been wearing a cubs jacket all weekend, had done nothing but make friends, now i’m wearing a sport coat at a kid’s play and I’m about to get in a fight. And I did the math quickly, there’s no way to explain this one to the wife and kid. Got into a fight during intermission because I was chatting up the bartender buying booze when they thought i was buying fucking ju ju beans.

    I just glared at him and said, “sorry”. Slid over to the corner of the counter to do my triple shot out of a lion king plastic cup with the fucking lid on it.

    so the fat fuck has not one but 3 fat kids with him. he puts together an order right out of Wonka, with four drinks lined up to the left of me. I pounded the booze, and spit my dip of skoal into my my cup and put the lid back on. 1-2-6, I switch my cup with one of the fat fuck’s drinks, leaving him with a souvenir of whiskey and spit.

    You’d think its over, but he drops his wallet on the ground right to the left of me- fucking louis vuitton wallet- i didn’t know they made stuff for men. he doesn’t realize he dropped it because his only concerns are being an asshole, and making sure the family gets diabetes. I put my foot on the wallet, spun away from the counter, and gently kicked his wallet into a throng of asians who were taking pictures of asians who were taking pictures of asians.

    I get back to my seat, curtain goes up and the colored start jumping around and singing and dancing. I literally can’t stop laughing for the rest of the show.

    1. I hope my kid grows up to be like you Mr. Maehoffer. As a Chicago-land area resident, I feel obligated to buy you a drink or twelve for all the comedic genius you bring to us.

    2. Unfortunately every city has assholes and since we have more people we have more assholes. Besides, this is a free market society; competition means they also tend to be bigger assholes. (Current Mayor, QED.)

      If the fat fuck was wearing a velour Sergio Tacchini track suit, I would have said he was unquestionably a wannabe gangster from Staten Island but, the leather trench coat says Armenian limo driver. The (knockoff) LV wallet, on the other hand, says Russian homo, er metrosexual. Either way, I’m guessing Eastern European trash was upset that his ill-begotten Federal disability proceeds barely covered a $40 round of Pepsis and Sno-caps. I applaud you for dropping a used Skoal in his cup — I only wish there was visual confirmation of his fat kid puking into Sergei’s lap 15 minutes into the next act. Our City is rapidly going to shit.

      The Cubs have some serious bats but good pitching still beats good hitting. That said, they are the Mets and it ain’t over yet. (As a Mets fan that grew up rooting for the likes of Willie Montanez and wondering why Pete Falcone couldn’t throw a pitch without losing his fucking hat, I am still not comfortable with a three-game lead.)

      Two other random thoughts:

      1. Fuck Philadelphia. The City, the sports teams and all the residents can all go suck a big infected cock. When they’re done, they can spit the load in Eli’s mouth. Human jizz instead of sheep fucking might be a nice change for him.

      2. Admin — this was not a good find. The chick has man hands, the hips of a 40-year old Mexican woman and thighs that say she spent her childhood pulling a plow. Plus, she’s South African so there’s at least a 105% chance that she sucked off a witch doctor in some tribal ceremony and got the AIDS. Pass.

      1. Michelle taint-

        definitely eastern european. one of those dogshitstans where Stalin lined up everyone who could read and write and shot them back in the 30’s.

        series is over, trust me. and its a shame because i am going to miss turning on the radio or television and hearing some out of breath dickhead ramble about how smart joe maddon and theo epstein are. and if they play the fucking rocky music tonight i’m going to Elvis the television.

        Philly is the only town that can play the rocky music, and agree the place is a shithole. That being said, nothing is worse than San Francisco. The fans, teams, the city, the politics, the cops, the people- I never feel comfortable there

      2. No question, Frisco sucks but, if you really want to talk about awful, it is a duel to the death between Atlanta and the third world country that is Miami. My worst nightmare is being trapped on the uptown A train surrounded by sweaty welfare queens, angry homeless people and negro Ringo Starr pounding out a beat on an empty drywall bucket while his fourteen cousins and half-brothers perform some unwanted jungle dance ritual and solicit tips. Atlanta is all that except you can’t get away from it because they will follow you home until you give them a nickel.

        Granted, the scenery is far nicer in Florida but the only thing worse than Eurotrash is South American/Cuban trash. Mix in a few late model Ferraris and some white suits and you have Miami. For some indescribable reason, seeing the kid of some crooked Ecuadorean politician enjoy bottle service and hookers in a club while living out his best Scarface fantasy just pisses me off.

  4. now we’re getting somewhere. Miami fucking sucks. i live in florida so i fly internationally out of miami airport.

    seriously, in the summer it rains every day down here. every fucking day. when it rains, miami airport does not have covered fucking trucks to move luggage from the fucking plane to the fucking airport. so if you land there at 3 and it starts raining, you sit in the fucking airport until the rain stops to get your luggage. Where in the first world does that happen? Fucking rain shuts down airports in shitspots like Burma and Borneo.

    Kid you not, I saw a woman with a live chicken in a duct-taped dog carrier. She looked like the maid Schwarzenegger used to climb on while his wife made herself puke in the bathroom. She was yelling in spanish and the TSA cop, who looked like Nell Carter, was yelling back at her in Memphis-ese. After a few minutes of this, a couple of TSA cops who spoke spanish calmed the lady down and took the bird away from her, to enjoy the rest of its short-ass life before it hit Officer Carter’s deep fryer.

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