On Fyre

So there’s a tropical alternative to Coachella called the Fyre Festival going on right now in the Bahamas and it’s a big fucking disaster.

Long story short thousands of self-indulgent people longing to taste the decadent world of celebrity and luxury bought their way into a third-world hellhole. THERE WILL BE NO CONCERTS FOLKS.

Rich Kids of Instagram meets the Hunger Games

One woman, who paid $10,000 for a VIP ticket, reportedly left her belongings in a half-erected tent, only to have them stolen minutes later. “One guy got punched out by security and they took his wallet,”

I never heard of this sales team, Ja Rule and Billy McFarland, but I think I can figure out which one is which.

Ja and Bill decided to hire models to promote Fyre … yup, Ratajkowski (heard of her) was on board.

Even the normally reliable Government of Miami has let them down.

Multiple reports of concert “security” mugging guests. Things are not better in the Bahamas, that was just a t-shirt.

And then there’s this:

Ahhhh, Billy Finley the Fourth. Life without beer … doesn’t get any rougher than that.

I love it.

22 thoughts on “On Fyre

  1. Last time I saw Ja Rule he was sitting in the “Why Me”
    cell in Manhattan Central Booking on a weapon and marijuana possession charge. He was a pleasant sort and in the right place, I think.

    1. It’s a testament to the otherworldly hotness that is Emily Rata that in the thousands of times I’ve ogled her naked or half naked this is the first time I’ve noticed that she has an outie belly button. Blinded by the light.

      1. I’d pay her to pick me up at the train station, “Driving Miss Daisy”-style.

  2. Update: Some SoCal lawyer is suing the two fuck weasel promoters for $100 million. Like Ja and his white knight haven’t already spent the money on blow and broads.
    Goddamn lawyers

    1. All they did was grab the opportunity to hose some semi-conscious idiots. Happens every day, it’s called Capitalism.

      1. Lighten up, Lou. I’m just the son of a trial lawyer who has whatched people prey on others misery for years. These people were too stupid to see they were getting fucked from the get go. The lawyers will get what’s coming to them good and hard, lol

      2. Loser paying court and attorney fees would immediately clean up US civil court system.

        Will happen about the same time Hillary Clinton has a beautiful, lavender-scented smooth canoe.

  3. Nothing more embarrassing than getting violated by the Coconut Negus. It’s one of the weakest forms. The Spear Chucking Negus and Curvy Knife Negus, or Sand Negus, can be a quite daunting adversary with their bomb vests, oil money, and AK’s. The Coconut comes at you with shitty weed and Sean Paul.

    I bet Obama listens to Ja Rule.

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