A three woes in Brooklyn

Well well well.

Well well well well well-ity well well well.

Looks like a boring ol’ threesome got fatal in the People’s Republic of Park Slope

A threesome can mean many things to many people.

Presumably all was progressing nicely until a participant (guy with a girlfriend not present) decided to take pictures, thereby greatly agitating another participant (girl with a boyfriend not present).

The horny shutterbug died that night of baseball bats and stab wounds.

THREESOMES: A CLOSER LOOK

• “Double Team” traditionally uni-clam powered and outfitted for dual sauseetch intake.

• A Double Team is not as prestigious in hetero circles as the golden rung “Canoe Ride” (two girls, one guy).

• In most of Park Slope a Double Team is still more highly prized and sought out than the “Leftover Duck” (two guys & a girl who doesn’t show up).

Big loss: this is the face you make when your boyfriend gets murdered after deciding to film his 2-on-1 without asking his new friends first.

So here’s the rub: the angry chick contacted her boyfriend, who was not part of the threesome. And in order to get him going, she told him she was raped. Now her boyfriend is not only a confirmed cuck, but a prime murder suspect as well.

And the guy who (still) lives in Park Slope drove the 21 year old girl back home to Staten Island (don’t bet against her being a naughty Italian broad with daddy issues) and then came back to Park Slope to enact some late night revenge on the guy who SIMPLY JUST HAD to document the sexcapade.

That’s when: the victim decided to leave for reasons that were unclear, sources said.

Around that time, the victim’s girlfriend — who was uninvolved in the threesome — received an ominous Instagram message reading “your boyfriend f–ked up and will be taken care of,” sources said.

Gadzooks. That could’ve been me … if I was a marginally lucky yet moronic asshole.

11 thoughts on “A three woes in Brooklyn

  1. That poor girl’s face. Actually sad about her anguish. However, that is my exact response every day my wife gets home from work.

  2. “Menage/Three-way/Threesome” MUST be reserved for the magical 2:1 girl/guy ratio. You feel great afterwards. Zero guilt. Good good stuff. Kiss your mom on the chick the next day because you’re still riding that wave of awesomeness and really, could she blame you if she knew?

    (Dim the lights please).

    By stark contrast, with the inverse ratio, you just have yourself a dirty awkward “Devil’s Threesome” or the aforementioned “Double-Team” — prior to which the “No Looking/No Touching” ground rules MUST be struck –hopefully in writing and in front of a notary public. Said contract can facilitate the execution of the rarely successful “Double Team”, said “Double Team” resembling the word-less precision of “The Road Warriors” or the “Hart Foundation” when only ONE member is/should be in the ring at one time. But, IF you absolutely MUST distract the ref so you’re in there simultaneously THEN staying at opposite orifi within the squared circle is MANDATORY.

    NB: A possible exception to the black letter language contained within the four corners of the “No Looking/No Touching” contract would allow for the “Eiffel Tower” — a bro high-five whilst standing at opposite orifi — but ONLY when: (a) it’s pretty dark; (b) you are both bombed; (c) it won’t cause the Receptacle to run out pre-wad busting; and (d) it’s really really funny.

    With all that said, in the instant case, we’re off to a terrible start. Here, Jimmy the Greek (hereafter “Victim”, if you’ll allow me the liberal use of the term from the article for clarity’s sake) has a girlfriend…who he is cheating on. Ms. Finger-Cuffs from Staten Island has a boyfriend who SHE is cheating on. Lovely. Now, Mr. Doherty is a rube just looking for a good time. Let’s begin.

    So, already behind the 8Ball — what with the inevitability of seeing another wang and having your own wang or mouth where another guy’s wang or mouth was active just moments before –Victim decides to publish (because, Who simply records without publishing nowadays?) this doomed “Devil’s Threesome”. Dumpster Fire? I’d like you to meet Gasoline.

    I really don’t see any other way this could have ended.

    1. Would be our firm’s compliance officer? You can still be “Boom Boom” here, but at the office we’ll call you “Justice Frankfurter.”

      1. Call me what you want, but you still have to show up for your appointment at 2:30. You might want to bring representation.

    2. Outstanding analysis.
      The only factor that has me stumped, was what the hell is on his ex girlfriends shirt? Looks like houses of the holy mixed with 3 wolf moon.

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