ATTN: I GOT THE NAMES MIXED UP. DAKOTA IS KIERNAN AND VICE VERSA.
First couple of days will be rough, but there are few better paths to local legend status than gold course shenanigans. (for him, that is, not her – TDT wishes her family good luck): Young couple arrested for fairway sex
Miss Dakota Payne
• He’s 24, parents live on golf course
• She’s 19, parents named Step-Dad and Skylar
Live from the 8th hole: When a patrolman arrived at the links, he spotted a “male with no shorts on and a female that appeared to only have a bra on.” The woman, the officer reported, “was on her back and the male was laying down with his head between her legs performing oral sex.”
Bambi fans: Two other witnesses–who were on the tee box at hole 8–said that they observed “what they thought was a deer laying down in the fairway.” However, “Upon closer inspection, they realized it was two people having ‘doggy-style’ intercourse.”
Don’t go making the same mistake I did and go thinking that Dakota Payne is a unique name and slutty bikini pics of her would therefore be easily obtainable. There are thousands of Dakota Paynes out there, most of them dudes.
So we improvise: