Captain’s log: free Hand Sulu

CLEARWATER, Fla. (WFLA) – Police say a man caught masturbating at a Clearwater bus stop told them he was Captain Kirk.

Responding officers say they found a man sitting on a bench touching himself under his shorts. In an arrest report, police noted it was “obvious” the man was masturbating.

A curious missive was found nearby…


You never know when you may need to validate the Vulcan. So it’s okay to R2BeatOff wherever.

Just exercise caution when exercising the Wrath of Khock around a schoolyard because earthlings don’t like it when you Spock all over their offspring.

Live Long and XHamster,
Capt. James Tiberius Kirk

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