Thanking RD for sending in this Craigslist rant…
To the whore at the Texas Gold bar (Crowley)
This is Sean. The tall guy with the shaved head, big arms, that bought you and your whore 
freinds tequila after tequila after tequila. I was very interested in getting to know you better. You were very sexy and had one of the best bodies I have seen. However, I can not believe that you would get so upset. We were both drunk and yes I probably should have warned you before I tried to give it to you in the ass, but I figured me rim jobbing you then shoving my thumb in your asshole while I was dicking you doggystyle was enough prior warning. I can not believe the mess you made of my house and the little fit you threw. Breaking my shit! SERIOUSLY!?!?!? REALLY!?!?! and screaming AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS!!???? I thought my neighbors were going to be woken up and call the cops! If you don’t like it in the ass, dont let a guy shove his thumb in there and say “That feels good baby!” WTF!!!! I am so mad right now I could throw my goddammed computer out the window! Bitch, I know you got yours, I KNOW you did. You left with your own cum dripping down your leg and Im left there with an iffy stiffy because you had to over react. A simple “hey, don’t do that,” would have worked just fine! Do you know what blue balls feels like you enourmous cunt? OF COURSE YOU DON’T!!!!! Thank god for FWBs or Id be in a world of pain right now. Next time I see you Im not going to say shit to you, Im just going to walk up behind you, pull your skirt up, and shove my entire fist up your ass. Silly dumb slut hooker! The whole anal thing just became an obsession with me as far as you are concerned, Im gonna make your life a living hell any way I possibly can. Oh, BTW, your little sister slipped me her number last night too! Maybe she’ll take it in the ole doodoo hole. Your freind Melanie already added me on facebook too. I plan on calling her right after Im done laying the sewage pipe in your sister. Cant wait for you to hear all about it from her. Im gonna call her right now.
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Analysis: Sean is a grounded well-adjusted man and the women around him are whorish mutants. Hopefully he will find his doodoo hole-queen and with her, some happiness.
Sometimes I’m just not into it, ok?
What’s wrong with his cock if he calls it the “sewage pipe”….?
Trust me there is nothing worse than having a stinky iffy stiffy while trying to calm angry neighbors.
I like the part where he ponders the possibility of putting his penis inside the younger sister’s ole doodoo hole.
a confused Brokeback Mountain cowboy… who was off the ranch for an evening.
He looks like a serial killer. She should be concerned. More ta-tas, less psyho please.
Ok Sean, Now you’re talkin my language. Your anal misadventure could have easily been avoided if you prefaced your rear attack by doing the following : 1)Used your pinky(as opposed to your thumb) to delicately spiral down her mudhole 2) As soon as she said “That feels good baby” you should have removed your digit and casually(from left to right only) painted a moustache on her. Her facial expression alone would have been worth the price of admission. Not a Gomez Adams, not even a Charlie Chaplin but a Rollie Fingers usually makes ‘em happy…or run for the door.
This of course is just my humble opinion I could be misguided
As Quagmire would say…Giggty Giggty, Allllllright!
Dirty…I think I just wet myself…
Dude looks the the serial killer in Manhunter.
I think we might want to reconsider sending Crazy Craig on that cruise.
I like how he feels the need to offer a description of himself (”shaved head, big arms”), as if she would possibly mistake him for one of the other guys that tried anal on her that weekend.
What are FWBs?
FWB: Friends with Benefits…
“Do you think I’m queer?”
Ok, I’m scared. I’m pretty sure the next serial killer we’ll all hear about will be described as “shaved head, big arms, iffy stiffy, dick smells like shit”. Call Crimestoppers today.
“Let me show you [my sewage pipe]!”
So this guy’s FWB took his smelly poo poo pee pee? That’s a good friend.
I think Sean’s Mom is named Judy
U guys are all off the mark here. Clearly the issue was the tequila. He obviously plied her with cuervo or mezcal when Don Julio would have done the job. Amateur.
trying to give new meaning to “eat the worm” …
The guy clearly signaled before changing lanes. No excuses bitch.
DONT BE A QUITTER, HIT ‘ER IN THE SHITTER!!!
Sean, next time wrap your right wrist around her hair three times with some light chalk. That usually gives you enough traction to make an attempt at the 8-second mark. No better feeling in the world than throwing that Stetson into the stands afterward.
Sanchez – priceless.
TDT presents Seminars for the Romantically Challenged. First in the series: How to Score Anal. Presented by Sanchez, Buck, Gimlet, Vert, SoCal & MT. Seating is limited, make your reservations today. Tequila will be provided. For those of you unable to attend, DVDs will be available at a later date.
Laughing my ass off. This guy was the inspiration for psycho killer by the talking heads.
Zero Points awarded for getting thrown before 8 seconds.
Amateur.
eb: any pun intended with “seating is limited” announcement? CIA
What was Mrs Catelli doing in Texas?
KICK HER BACK DOOR IN!!!!!
Can’t believe someone with a shaved head and big arms was unable to pin her down, choloform her, do the deed. Then bury her alive in the desert in a bag of lime.
It’s only fair. He bought her drinks!
You fuckers have made my day, particularly given that this is exactly the experience I had with my wife this morning (with the exception of the tequila and the part she says, “it feels good.”… the fucking whore.
She didn’t like the part where I called her “Mrs. Catelli” during either.
Bob…KICK HER BACK DOOR IN? I think that was how all his “troubles” started. Sometimes, just say no to crack. But I don’t think he has a problem with saying yes to meth!
But she yelled ” hell yeh” when I gave her two in the pink and one in the stink! Where does she get off?
Buck – Mezcal is not a brand or type of tequila. It’s another liquor altogether. Just FYI.
Ladies of the world – If you get a digit shoved into your asshole, it’s like a two minute warning. If you don’t throw a flag, we’re gonna try to punch it in for the win.
(too much sports metaphor?)
Ok, I’m crying with laughter. nothing to add.
That guy: Agreed. When I feel anything headed toward the back door, no matter what it may be, I put a stop to it quickly. I also make it real clear before things get that far that there will be NO back door action. Sorry. Just don’t see the attraction for the guys. Do you really want to put that precious piece of your anatomy THERE?
Uh, yes.
Yesterday was a red letter day for the tap. This post and Donger in DC part deux, makes it all worthwhile.
Cmon…you get her in the Egyptian Prayer Stance…start polishing the penny in a circular motion as you whistle slightly to the motion. Then, administer The Shocker…preferably double finger in the ass , thumb riding your already inserted base, gripping taint as hard as you can and then break out the “You want me to fuck your ass as hard as I fucking can , Bitch…right?” Notice how fast she removes your shark from her keister and self parks your towel hook in her hopefully lunch-free behind. Get a grip Dude. Ass rape is an art.